Page 390 - Under the Cover of Darkness

Finally it said the gun man, who turned the gun on
himself was "suffering from a fatal gunshot wound"
shortly before he died. Well, no shit Sherlock!

The random "Life-Style Tips" type article next to it wasn’t
much better. What an absolute crock of shite most of
those are. This one was "TIPS & TRICKS TO AVOID
COMMON BEAUTY MISTAKES" and included gems
of wisdom such as
*Tired of accidentally applying blusher instead of face
power? (Mmm, no not really) Try labelling your make up
pots. (TF? Yeh! ‘cos it’s a long standing nightmare how
make up is always sold in totally blank containers so
you’re clueless as to what you’re putting on your face)
*Realize you’ve only done eye make up on 1 of your eyes
and forgotten the other? (no) Carry make-up around so
you can apply it because it’s better to have make-up on
both eyes than just one. (Oh! Genius!)
*False eyelashes falling off? Try pressing them onto your
eyelids with slanted tweezers (Slanted Tweezers!? is that a
synonym for sharp, pointy tweezers?) instead of your
fingers. (Cos it’s always best to "press" sharp, metal,
slanted objects into your eyes...and while we’re at it
"always run with scissors")
*Realize you only made up your face and forgot to blend
down your neck? (erm. nope) Always do your make up in
the light so you can spot mistakes. (Oh well thanks for
that! All these years I’ve been randomly applying
cosmetics in pitch darkness before switching the lights on
to reveal an horrific, upside down clown face FFS!) It’s all
part of the Idiot Apocalypse.