Page 226 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

Ann paused and then continued. “On my part, I would
like to have warm, positive feelings toward him again. I
would like to gain respect for him again. I would like to be
proud of him. Right now, I don’t have those feelings.”
I was writing as Ann was speaking. When she finished,
I read aloud what she had said. “That sounds like a pretty
lofty objective,” I said, “but is that really what you want,
Ann?”
“Right now, that sounds like an impossible objective,
Dr. Chapman,” Ann replied, “but more than anything, that’s
what I would like to see.”
“Then let’s agree,” I said, “that this will be our objective.
In six months, we want to see you and Glenn having this
kind of love relationship.
“Now, let me suggest a hypothesis. The purpose of our
experiment will be to prove whether or not the hypothesis is
true. Let’s hypothesize that if you could speak Glenn’s
primary love language consistently for a six-month period,
that somewhere along the line his emotional need for love
would begin to be met; and as his emotional tank filled, he
would begin to reciprocate love to you. That hypothesis is
built upon the idea that the emotional need for love is our
deepest emotional need; and when that need is being met,
we tend to respond positively to the person who is meeting
it.”
I continued, “You understand that that hypothesis
places all the initiative in your hands. Glenn is not trying to
work on this marriage. You are. This hypothesis says that if