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often don't act very lovingly with our words, our tone of 2. Affection (Verbal & Physical): This is our need to have
voice or our body language or our attitude towards the very care from others expressed to us through words and
people who are the most important to us, and it's ironic touch. When this is met we usually feel happiness and
that no amount of money, success, status or fame will ever excitement, and have a sense of confidence.
come close to the warm glow of a loving and nurturing
relationship. 3. Emotional Support & Validation: This is our need to be
attended to, validated, and supported when we are
"Women are afraid to ask for what they want because they struggling. When this is met, we usually feel a sense of
are afraid at a deep subconscious level that they will get relief, relaxation, grounding, and efficacy.
replaced by someone less demanding and more compliant
and men don't even acknowledge that they want or need For couples, these needs are ideally met in the partnership.
anything because if they do, it implies that they are not a Strong couples are able to be good companions (sharing
real man. So we have two people sitting around wanting their day to day lives, personal histories, and interests to-
all these things from each other, probably capable of giv- gether), give verbal and physical affection (affirmations,
ing each other many of them, but not talking about it. Then hugs, sexual intimacy, compliments, etc), and provide emo-
they both feel depressed, feel resentful, feel deprived, they tional support (being there to help during tough times,
cheat on each other and you have a divorce. It could be validations when the person is struggling, etc).
prevented by straight talking and clear asking."
In a healthy relationship, both members of a couple get used
We all have relationship needs that are important for us to to depending on each other for these needs, and when they
be healthy. Some of these are particular to us (certain lev- are not met, each person starts to become dissatisfied,
els of control, trust, or ways of communicating), but there which ultimately can lead to a break up. Individuals who
is a basic, universal set of needs that we all have that re- are not in a partnership need to have these met in other
searchers and psychologists have been working on for de- ways. Usually a lot of this occurs in strong bonds with friends
cades. These include companionship, affection, and support. and family.

2. Our relationship needs: A good example would be a group of friends or a family that
knows you well, gives big hugs when they see you, always
The basic relationship needs written about are all things get your back and know the right thing to say when you
that we cannot provide ourselves, and we rely on others to are under stress, and make you feel like you have an im-
help provide them for us. The original concept about this portant place in their lives. Another wrinkle is that people
kind of need was from psychoanalytic therapists who called have different levels of these needs. It is generally believed
them "dependency needs", because we were dependent
on others to meet them. Specifically, when we are first born
into the world, almost every need except for oxygen is a
dependency need. An infant is dependent on caregivers for
food, comfort, care, etc. As we get older, these needs
change because we learn to provide some of these things
for ourselves. However, as adults, there is still a universal
set of relationship needs that remain. These are:

1. Companionship & Belonging: This is basically our need
to share our lives and to have the sense of belonging,
acceptance, and affiliation with the others. When this
is met we usually feel contentment, warmth, and se-
curity.

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing about.

PR COMMUNICATION AGE February 2016 9

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