Page 40 - Jewish News_October-2020

40 October 2020 COMMENTARY

What is an apology worth?

his nation inflicted on Poland and all of What they have in common is that stance, “I had one drink too many!” or
Europe during World War II. He said, both expressed remorse without couch- “I had just stepped off a long flight and
From “I bow in mourning to the suffering ing their apology with equivocation or was exhausted!”), then we’re not doing
what we need to actually do to be the
of the victims… I ask for forgiveness
in a manner that seemed artificial.
“I’m sorry” is the most difficult
the for Germany’s historical debt. I affirm thing to say authentically. That must kind of person we claim we are.
Each of these lame excuses is de-
our lasting responsibility.” He spoke of
Bimah World War II as a “German crime” that be why so many people attempt to soft- fective and therefore worse than use-
en their words with excuses, wherein
less. Certainly, Judaism like almost all
his nation will never forget.
While I do not doubt his sincer- the value of the apology is weakened other religions, favors reconciliation.
ity, I question whether that apology, or lost. Of late, various individuals, The Pirke Avot is filled with pithy
Rabbi Michael P. Sternfield as heartfelt as it seemed to be, was of having been caught on a microphone sayings of the rabbis, e.g. “If your
Temple Beth El of Bradenton much value. Nevertheless, the straight- or camera, speaking hate-filled words neighbor has done you a large wrong,
& Lakewood Ranch forward confession of Germany’s or committing acts of violence, have let it be in your eyes a small offense. If
I sential for Germany’s relationship with though it is exactly who they are. There wrong, let it be in your eyes a large of-
crimes against humanity remains es-
pleaded, “This is not who I am,” even
you have done your neighbor a small
regard the High Holy Days as
fense.”
the entire world. Much evidence points
“apology season.” On Yom Kippur,
are also the perennial classics such
in particular, we express remorse
The real question is whether an
remorse. Germany has changed great-
but…” “Those closest to me know
to God for having fallen short. But we to the authenticity of this expression of as: “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, apology is worth anything or not. Ev-
read as well, “For transgressions that ly since those dark days. Although no that…” and “Let’s move forward.” ery one of us has had reason to apolo-
are between one person and another, words or gestures can possibly atone These are not apologies. They are gize to another person. Jewish tradition
Yom Kippur does not atone until that for all the misery that Germany and its excuses. Minimally, these show that advises us to be generous in our apol-
person has made peace with the other.” allies inflicted on the world, still Presi- the person doesn’t understand what ogies for the sake of Shalom Bayit.
The first step in making peace dent Steinmeier’s words were a neces- he/she is apologizing for. At worst, it When we speak of reconciliation, what
usually begins with an apology. This sary apology. shows that the person is lying. Either most comes to the Jewish mind is the
first step is the most difficult. It means On an infinitely lesser scale was you did or said it or you didn’t. Saying process that we are urged to undertake
swallowing one’s pride, admitting that the apology of actress Felicity Huff- “this is not who I am” means one is not during the High Holy Days. We call
we were wrong. There are some who man, who pled guilty in the corrupt actually taking responsibility, thereby this teshuvah, meaning repentance, of
find it difficult to apologize. In fact, college admissions scandal. Her words missing the single most important ele- which the most important component
there are some who, lacking common to the court: “I am in full acceptance of ment of an authentic apology. By call- is to refrain from committing the same
decency, never apologize for anything. my guilt, with deep regret and shame ing oneself better than their own words offense again.
The question must be asked: What over what I have done. I accept full or actions, that person is not taking Clearly, an insincere apology is
is an apology worth? responsibility for my actions and will ownership. We are all exactly as good worthless, and actually worse than
On the occasion of the 80 an- accept the consequences that stem as our best selves and exactly as bad none at all. Most apologies come after
th
niversary of German’s invasion of from those actions… I especially want as our worst selves. That’s just the way some degree of pressure, whether from
Poland, (September 1, 1939) world to apologize to the students who work it is. others or from within. The mere fact
leaders gathered there. Germany’s hard every day to get into college, and Instead of “I am not the kind of per- that one has apologized because they
president Frank-Walter Steinmeier ex- to their parents who make tremendous son who did or said this terrible thing,” were compelled to do so should not, in
pressed deep remorse for the suffering sacrifices to support their children.” better they should express, “This is not itself, invalidate the apology. An apol-
who I want to be” or “I’m going to do ogy’s efficacy must be judged on the
better.” result more than on the motivation. If
If one is sincere in the desire to
FLORIDA REGIONAL TRAINING: make amends and make things right not, then it was no more than hot air.
So, let me conclude with a few
A THREE-PART SERIES with the other, then the apology needs words of caution. As Oliver Wendell
to be without excuses. If we do not
Holmes once observed: A stiff apology
actually recognize that what we did is merely a second insult. Never ruin an
ISRAEL ACTION NETWORK was wrong, or if we rationalize (for in- apology with an excuse.

hosts these fascinating and educational sessions: Thank you, Hashem!

All sessions
PART 1 via Zoom Perhaps this is the reason: Sukkot
BDS & ANTI-ZIONISM 201 - A DEEP DIVE INTO THE LATEST TRENDS is celebrated in the fall at the time when
Monday, October 12, 2020 From the farmers harvest their crops from
the field. This is the time when a farm-
12:00 – 1:30 PM EST er could finally enjoy his year’s worth
the of hard work but could possibly forget

PART 2 Bimah to be thankful for the blessing G-d has
WE NEED TO TALK: HOW TO HAVE EFFECTIVE, MEANINGFUL bestowed upon him. This is why it is
& PRODUCTIVE ISRAEL CONVERSATIONS specifically during this time that we go
Thursday, October 15, 2020 out of the comforts of our home and
12:00 – 1:30 PM EST Rabbi Zev Steinmetz celebrate in the sukkah (commemorat-
ing the clouds of protection), thanking
Chabad of West Bradenton G-d for his consistent presence and
PART 3 ukkot is the holiday in which protection.

A CRASH COURSE IN TALKING TO YOUNGER GENERATIONS we remember G-d shielding It is very easy to be thankful after
ABOUT ISRAEL & ANTISEMITISM Sand protecting the Jewish peo- a wondrous miracle such as the Jew-
Monday, October 19, 2020 ple during their travels in the desert. ish people leaving Egypt on Passover
12:00 – 1:30 PM EST He formed clouds surrounding them to or being saved from the evil decree of
smooth out the path in front of them, Haman on Purim. Sukkot comes along
and to protect them from the elements to remind us that being thankful must
Please register at and enemy fire. To remind us that G-d happen every day all the time. Even
JFEDSRQ.org/events has and always will protect us, once a when we are blessed with plenty, we
by Monday, October 5. year we go out of the comfort and secu- must never forget to say, “Thank you
rity of our home and spend some time
Hashem!”
(You will receive an email in the sukkah. This is why the first thing a Jew
with the Zoom information.) Interestingly, the miracle of the does when he wakes up in the morning
clouds protecting the Jewish people is say “Modeh Ani” – a prayer thank-
occurred right after they left Egypt in ing G-d for returning his soul. We need
QUESTIONS? Contact Brina Chu at the spring. Why are we celebrating this to be thankful for even the simple and
brina.chu@jewishfederations.org holiday commemorating G-d’s pro- seemingly repetitive occurrences that
tection only now in the fall almost six happen to us every day.
months later? Thank you, Hashem!