Page 83 - Likutei Tipshim

master the toughest sudokus? Mr. Howard Didit is coming to Chicago for ods of time in front of your house. Maybe there is still time to warm up
a one time seminar on the basics of solving all these brain teasers. Sign our city before it’s too late.
up today for Howie Didit’s amazing explanations. Google Glass announcing the launch of their latest app. The baal korai קחשל שרדמה תיב
Mr. & Mrs. O’Shea wishing good luck to their son Richard on the app. Just put the glasses on, look at the sefer Torah, access the app and
opening of his billiard palace. He will be offering classes on making all the trup and nekudos will pop up. Sound like a pro without the prep-
aration. Available online and at local Jewish bookstores near you.

those tricky bumper shots. Call Rick O’Shea for more information. םירופ Humor Training Center
Would you like to go out for a coffee with a friend, but all your friends By the American Procrastinators International, reminding everyone of Likutei Tipshim 2014
are busy? Just moved to Chicago and haven’t made any friends yet? Call our motto “ Procrastinate Later”. Volume Loud Number 3
Chaverim, we are there for you. Do you want to be mikayim “ad dlo yoda” but you are underage? Let

I highly endorse Dr. Tye Oneon and his new book, “ The Whisky Diet” me tell you the story of Berel. He wanted to drink till “ad dilo yoda” This year’s Likutei Tipshim is brought to you by Kupat H’Beer. There is
a special segula if you spend all your money on our beer. We will be zo-
I have been on it and I lost 3 days already. Mr. Jim Beam but he wasn’t old enough, and no one would give him the chance to che to an early retirement.
drink. He was feeling very despondent and ready to give up when some
Mr. John Hem and Mr. Joe May announce the opening of their Insurance one handed him a flyer from Kupat H’Beer. Feeling he had nothing to
Agency. When disaster strikes and things seem out of control you can lose, he took all his Bar Mitzvah money and gave it to a Kupat H’Beer Disclaimer: We, at Lekutei Tipshim, wish to once again inform the public that we are in
count on May Hem Insurance services. representative. Sure enough, when Purim came that year, he came no way affiliated, associated, or otherwise related to any institution or organization
currently publishing similar types of periodicals, weeklies, etc
Do you yawn after you see someone else yawn? Does your head itch down with the stomach flu. When he went to shul he was dizzy, could Me shenichnas Adar marbim b’simcha. When Adar starts we increase our
when you hear the word lice? You may suffer from HGS. For the low fee barely stand up and he was nauseous. Everyone assumed he was drunk joy. The question is, what if you aren’t in the mood for joy? What if be-
of $10.99 plus shipping and handling, we will send you a cure for High and truth be told at that time he couldn’t tell the difference between ing miserable makes you happy? Do we seek out things that make us
Gullibility Syndrome. baruch Mordechai and arur Haman. So send all your money to Kupat miserable so we can increase our joy? The great Rabbi Dr. Sheffel Ruach
H’Beer and prepare for amazing yeshuos. discusses this very issue in his monumental work, “ Borscht for the
The CDC center for disease control out of Atlanta issued a warning for Soul”. He speculates that the root of happiness and sadness come from
the Chicago area. They have noticed an increase in the Speed Hump ...................................... ... ............................................................................................................................. the part of the brain known as the hypokvetchamus. With modern brain
Likutei Tipshim is not now and has never been associated with any fine insti-
Virus spreading throughout our area. It starts out with 2 sets of innocuous tutions of higher learning in the city of Chicago or its environs. Ideas? Com- mapping technology, we find there is a fine line between joy and sorrow.
parallel indentations in a city street and before you know it erupts into a ments? Send email to likutei-tipshim@juno.com The By directing us to be extra joyful during the
large boil the shape on a mountain. They are working on a cure, but in contents of this publication have been certified Torah free. May contain some trace elements of 10 years ago the USA month of Adar, the chachamim gave us the op-
the meantime, they urge caution and a good set of shock absorbers. gematria. Written in a facility where people eat peanuts. High in fiber. No Brain cells were hurt in had Steve Jobs, Bob portunity to (vnahafoch hu) turn our desire to
the production of this publication. Hope and Johnny be sad into a desire to be happy (it’s only a
Tired of your old look? Looking for a new sheitel that is “you”? The Money back guarantee: If this issue fails to produce at least one chuck- Cash... Now they small synapse away). That is why most people
newest segula for finding the perfect sheitel is to donate your old sheitel le and/or one smile, return to point of purchase for a fool refund. have no Jobs, no just Adar this month. If you still need some
to Kupat Hair. Results guaranteed. THIS PUBLICATION IS STILL NOT A RECIPIENT OF THE JEWISH FEDERATION OF METRO- Hope and no Cash. encouragement to take the leap to the happy
POLITAN CHICAGO side of the street, here are some of our oldest
The election committee of Illinois would like to remind everyone the im- Prepared by people with too much time on their hands. If you would like to sponsor an addition of and favorite punch lines: “ A newspaper”, “To
portance of voting this Tuesday. The issues this year are crucial. We need likutei-tipshim we also have a bridge in Brooklyn you might be interested in. get to the other slide”, “ One, but it has to really want to change”, “I
change, but stability is what will get us thru this difficult time in our his- don’t hold from the eruv”, and “ you just don’t know how to tell a
tory. Term limits are crucial however experience can’t be underestimat- joke” [ for the set up of any of these jokes send a request to likutei-
ed. If we want change we have to change the players but keep in mind tipshim@juno.com ].
we need people who are familiar with how the system works to promote There is an obligation to become intoxicated to the point where we don’t
change from within. We are “Double Speak International” and we ap- know the difference between Baruch Mordechai and Arur Haman. The
prove of this message Rabbanim ask why we don’t make a bracha on it? The great chassidishe
Rebbe, Reb Shmuel Adams in his ground breaking work “ There Are No
You wouldn’t think of buying a house without homeowners insurance, Misnagdim in Foxholes” answers this question. Since everyone has their
nor would you buy a car without car insurance but no one seems to have
a problem getting married without “Errors and Omissions Insur- own point of shekirous, it isn’t known when you start to drink if you will
ance”. Shalom Bayis Underwriters Insurance Co., is now offering “E & be zoche to reach the level of ad dilo yoda. So, if you make a bracha,
“ al mitzvas ad dilo yoda”, in advance, it might be a bracha l’vatala and if
O marital insurance”. Next time you forget a birthday or anniversary or
you “mistakenly” throw out his lucky tee shirt, don’t worry. You will be you do it afterwards it would definitely be a bracha l’vatala. So under the
covered. circumstance, it is better to shayve val taaseh. ( which is the origin of the
minhag some have to only shave ½ of their beard on Purim)
Everyone is aware of the hard winter we’ve experienced this year. Based
on popular science, human action has a 6% impact on the environment So much is being said and written about income inequality these days.
We find it astounding that no one is discussing the issue of weather ine-
that causes global warming. Therefore, the editorial board of Likutei-
Tipshim urges everyone to get rid of their fluorescent light bulbs and go quality. Do you realize that while some of us have suffered with weeks of
back to incandescent lighting as well as running your cars for long peri- below zero temperatures and extreme snow fall totals, there are others in